Of course, we all know the merits of a high IQ, being smart is usually a good start. And for a number of years we recognize a well-established EQ as an asset for good leaders and everybody else who wants to succeed in life. So why do we need to raise our LQ as well? What is this quotient of Love intelligence? It is really quite simple. In the years EQ became fashionable, we learned about our emotions and what they teach us. Hunches and feelings can be very accurate, so we’ve learned to trust them.
Based on this, now is the time to learn about relations. How to create positive emotions in our relationships so we become more effective, creative and innovative in ourselves and with other people: our colleagues, our customers, our suppliers, our loved ones and children. Because the feeling of love is much more than romance and the foundation of good childcare. ‘Love’ happens in every true contact with people, where positive emotion is happening, where people feel safe and secure with each other and experience the beautiful feeling of being in tune. With immense effects: our openness and warmth is raised, our horizon broadens, we become more flexible, more in harmony with others, more creative, more resilient, friendly and even healthy.
How to become the best you can be
To create positive emotions in ourselves and with others it is crucial to know what people really need in order to feel good with themselves and with others. To know what makes people thrive, motivated and truly interested. The key to this is psychological knowledge about how people function from the inside out. Knowing our deepest needs, yours and mine are the same by the way, we all have them.
Our needs are basically these: When being in contact with other people we want to feel Safe, Seen and Supported. Because of these three S’s, we coined the system of our needs: Triple S.
Safe is a cluster of three needs that interact closely: The sense of belonging, feeling safe (not threatened by somebody or by circumstances), feeling trust in the relationship and feeling free to be or act differently, if and when compared to others.
Seen is a cluster of two needs, the need to be respected, recognized and appreciated for what I am and do, and the need to be acknowledged in my potential. Where there is space for me to grow and improve my talents.
Support can have many forms and guises: practical, mental, emotional help, all are involved here. A helping hand or a piece of well-timed advise can be support, a high five or a personal assistant can be just the support we need. This also means: there is space and opportunity to ask for help and there is the willingness to give support.
All the needs within Triple S are reciprocal. You may have a need to support, to be of value, sometimes even more than you may have a need to be supported. This is true for giving and receiving Seen and Safe just as much.
Creating constructive behavior in organizations
These needs are there – in every interaction between people in organizations, with customers and other stakeholders. Very often they are hidden and in disguise: They show themselves irritations, complaints, bothers and accusations. Not very constructive, this behavior may cause a lot of negativity in the organization and is possibly a major cost factor. To move from negative behavior to constructive behavior in organizations (and also in our private lives) we created a three stage rocket in order to transform our mutter into a ‘Dismay of Today’, a form of complaint that points towards what is usually left unspoken: the actual need. From there we can move toward the ‘Request of Today’ in which we directly ask for what we need. Even if this request is not answered in the preferred way, you have voiced and honored your needs and your irritation will diminish a bit as a result of that. Just think of an organization that acts with Triple S-wisdom: Your ‘Dismay of Today’ and ‘Request of Today’ will be adhered to and the level of service for clients and the level of job satisfaction for the staff will raise as a direct result. You will feel Seen, Supported and Safe when connected to that organization. With Triple S all our organizations can become future-proof, taking care of the needs of all stakeholders and performing over and beyond expectations.
Taking care is LQ – for the organization as well
It’s us, people who make or break an organization. ‘Taking care’ of employees in order to let them become the best they can be is a necessity for the continuation of an organization in disruptive times. Triple S principles show clearly how to do this. The best LQ performance will be coming from people feeling safe, free, trustful, seen, appreciated and supported. Positive emotions such as a sense of connection, gratefulness, trust, understanding etc. create an atmosphere that attracts more ‘can do’ idea’s. These ideas give us wings and open us up to flexibility, innovative thinking, being engaged and identified with the whole organization. The organization always receives what it invests: If you care for your people they will care for the customers and for you. They will care for the success and the development of the organization now and in the years to come. Just like Richard Branson stated:
“Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients.”
“Raise your LQ leads to top performing teams and real change through mutual trust, understanding, appreciation and support.”
“Small wins, meaning, and recognition ignite engagement, creativity, joy and better results. And love for work and self.”
Robert Benninga had his corporate career with five leading multinational companies. Robert is known as an authority on personal and professional leadership and on building human relationships for top results. Working in MindPower sessions with more than 300,000 people in 55 countries inspired Robert to also start-up CouplePower with his partner Ingeborg Weser to empower romantic relationships worldwide. With the Triple S Method they help to fulfill the huge potential we all have at work and at home to really feel Safe, Seen and Supported and perform at our very firstname.lastname@example.org
Ingeborg Weser has – for over 30 years of her career as a psychologist – seen the tremendous positive impact of solid relationships at home and at work on personal and professional wellbeing, success and significance. With her partner Robert Benninga she gives keynotes, workshops and individual couple sessions. Together they also make video & audio programs on couple and team dynamics. She is a renowned psychologist, couple therapist, speaker, trainer and author. Ingeborg published books about pregnancy, parenting and the Triple S Method.email@example.com